“If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got”.

Today I walked to work past the usual red brick houses all self contained, in neat little predictable rows and I felt trapped….No that’s not exactly true, it wasn’t me that felt trapped, it was the lifestyle they represented that made me what to run and shout “It doesn’t have to be this way, get out, Live, Learn (new stuff) experience the adventure, the excitement of new beginnings, challenges that beckon! Let’s not settle for mediocrity, a half life, a “what if I had have done that” life.

So why am I restless? I feel as if I am being birthed into something new, does that sound weird? Probably to some of you who will read this, it will seem a little wacky and you will put it down to the fact that I am approaching a big zero number next year and am having a mini mid life crisis, but I think there is something else going on here. Whereas some of my friends are looking ahead to settling down to pottering around their gardens, enjoying the thought of grandchildren in the next few years, I want to be out loving the unlovely, the hurting, vulnerable and marginalised. I want to get my hands dirty and care for the dying, the poor, the people whom nobody wants to hug…I feel that if I can’t soon hold someone who hurts so bad or feels so alone I will burst. It is growing in me, yet I have moments when I’m cool and I can compartmentalise these feelings and put them on hold for a while…yet all the time knowing that “something needs to be dealt with”. It’s this “hands on “thing, it won’t go away, and yet I know there is timing in all of this. Something has been put into motion, something that excites me because it all sort of makes sense from things that have been said, dreams that have been dreamt. Yet, I feel no apprehension, merely an awareness to listen and observe. Sometimes I feel like an onlooker in my own life, wondering what will be said next, what emotion will rise up, what phrase will be blurted out unchecked, something from deep within…

I am travelling light, unencumbered; I am learning what I need for my journey, Simplicity and Focus